Winning

Finally.
Joy, trickling to every corner of me.
Happiness breaking out in little thrills that run around inside me, in tiny firework-showers of delight.
Feel like jumping.
And singing.
And yelling.
And dancing.
Simply must dance.
Now.
Here.
Try a funny little jig in heavy-heely shoes.
Not nice.
Must get rid of shoes.
Ok.
Fling them.
Now.
Now dance.
No partner.
When has that ever been a problem ?
Right. Dance.
Hop, hop, wiggle.
Squiggly-wiggle, leap, laugh.
Twist and jump, and turn and grin.
At the world in general, because we've won.
We've WON !!
(ok, so we didn't win. But we kind of did. ok, we didn't. but never mind.)
Jump on Marchhare.
Mock Turtle is standing, lost, grinning in a weak, mock-turtley sort of way.
(Judges were good. Yeah, especially since they made us win...)
And the Chessy cat ? Off again. But grinning still.
And Alice is about, who brought her umbrella to the stage.
And we ?
We're off to Dinner, to feel important.
Skipping all the way.
Can't dance there.
Nope.
So I'm here.
Squiggle, twist, hop.
And of course, smile.

Hold it.

Oh no.
Wait. Wait.
You're off.
And I'm not.
I'm here.
Wait.
Hold it.
Can't go that fast.
You know I never could.
You've always made fun of just that.
But short legs- they do that to you.
Unfair.
Don't .
Please.
How am I supposed to catch you ?
You're already a matchstick with legs
And shrinking fast.
Oh God.
Can't breathe.
Yes, yes, I know that.
I'm unfit.
Laugh it up.
Very funny.
Laugh all you want.
As long as you stop to do it.
You won't, will you ?
I think I knew you wouldn't.
I knew it.
That you'd just go off.
Veering in another direction.
I'm just headed straight on.
So where are you going ?
Yor probably can't even hear me.
I don't know why I'm still yelling.
Hoping you can hear.
More wishing you could, really.
I know you can't.
Not the long-gone speck, of course not.
I'll keep looking at where you disappeared.
And I'll wonder where you went.
And why you didn't wait.
And why you didn't hear.
I'll wonder,
As I jog off my own way.
Not trying to catch up
Because I don't want to.
I never did, I think.
And I never would, even if I could.
And that's alright.

Awful.
The stunned silence
And forced clapping
Awkwardly followed each other.
Everyone else thought so too.

Cold stillness
Punctuated by that condescending grin
That I wanted to punch.
Punch really hard.
And knock out those uneven bad teeth.
And that irritating grin along with it.
Damn Doctor Daeng.
And his rural crew.
And the audience laughing on cue
At nothing.

We looked on, numb,
As They lost
And they won.
And it went all wrong.

Better for us-
We felt better-
But the World went all wrong.
And my faith in It's been gone
Ever since.